End of an Era, Moving on as P.U.N.K.

So here is my new post.  Sorry it’s been so long, but I have been through hell and back. Just to be real…I know that my life is headed to a bigger and brighter tomorrow, but today I am still far from there.

Now I want to take a sec to explain things here.  I caught heat for some of these posts.  People were offended and hurt.  The goal of this blog is to give the world an honest glimpse into the life of an aspiring artist.  Sometimes that meant telling some personal info.  I tried to protect identities by not giving full names or posting pics, it was the story that was important, not publicly embarrassing the people involved.  Those posts were hard as hell for me to write.  For one putting myself out there is not easy, and two, sometimes by the time my next post was ready to go up my anger had dissipated.  I posted it anyways because the words and feelings described were true to how I felt at the time, regardless of whether or not I had moved on.

Now I want to take a second to apologize to Lucy, Dwayne and anyone else I offended.  Not because I’m going soft (I will still take down anyone who deserves it), but because I found God.  God is in my life now (in addition to Cleveland hip hop of course), and if I am sincere about living his way, I must forgive.  To all my fans who read this hip hop blog I want to apologize.  Prophet is not invincible or perfect, just a human being who is just as susceptible to hurt as the next guy.  Yet, due to all my hardships I have become a stronger man.  I am focused, I am following my calling and I am finally going to step up to my responsibilities.  God, music, acting, martial arts, science are my life.

Dwayne, we are still cool fam, but I’ll be honest, what you wrote in your emails hurt.  Maybe that’s why we fought so bad. It’s always easy to hurt those that you are closest to.  I would never do anything to harm you.  Lucy, what you did was without a doubt cold and heartless.  You had no right to play me like that, but despite that fact, I still wish you happiness. Maybe you never loved me, but I know the right man is out there for you and I wish you much luck in finding him.  To all the ladies who burned me and I burned back (not in an STD way, I’m clean single ladies reading this), I apologize for my actions and hope we both learned from our mistakes.  One day I’ll meet the right woman and she will get all the love she deserves.  And last, to all those I hustled in the past, I’m sorry and I hope you move on from that lifestyle as well.  I learned something on my recent 25th birthday, I’m a grown ass man; it’s time I start acting like it.

This is the end of the Punk Revolution Blog in it’s current form.  I put my former life to rest and am moving on.  It is now time for not just a new chapter in my life but a whole new book.  Razer and I have a mission, to entertain and enlighten in a way not seen before.  We’ve created a hip hop duo that transcends the boundaries of music.  P.U.N.K. has begun. So God bless you all and watch out, history is being made as we speak. Peace.

NOTE: This blog will be migrating to a dedicated website soon.  You will see posts from both Razer and myself.  Don’t worry you will still see stuff from my life but these new posts will be more group orientated.  We will still infuse posts about our individual lives but it will be more of a collective effort then a blog about Prophet The Rebel.  You will be able to follow individual blog posts at our individual myspaces, Razer or Prophet.  In the meantime please start sending friend requests to our new groups myspace easily remembered as www.myspace.com/punkHD.   Please tell your friends and send us as many friend requests as possible so we can build our fan base.  Razer and I are headed into the studio this week so your wait shouldn’t be long.  In the meantime I recommend you learn a little bit about Razer by following him on Twitter @Razer_theRZR and/or through his wife’s blog, Clueless Newlywed.  I’m sure you will soon see why I think they are one of the most entertaining couples I have ever met.  Her blog is hilarious.)

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Hip Hop Love Story Finale

I got hip hop to focus on which will be the reason these posts may be a little more sporadic then usual.  That being said, Lucy, you only get one post dedicated to you and what your bitch ass did because after this, I am moving on.

So why am I bitter? Well kids sit down for a great little story.  Lucy and I did not end well.  It did not end well at all.

Like I said it all started well enough with Lucy and me.  We were really doing good, had a lot of interests together and she was even supportive of my hip hop career.  Lucy was great.  Things got serious and as much as I tried to pump the breaks, she wasn’t having it.

I would say, “Well maybe we shouldn’t do this yet because you may get hurt,” or “You’ll regret it later,” or “We should wait until we are in love…blah blah blah.”

Nope, she just looked me in the eyes and said, “I do love you, and I am sure.”  Like an idiot I went along for the ride.  Well, sort of.  See I panic a bit  when the “L” word is mentioned . She would tell me how much she loves me, and I’d smile, excuse myself for a second, go to the other room and call Razer up and be like “Yo, I got Lucy in the other room, and she is saying she loves me and shit.  What do I do?  Should I kick her out?  She’s lying right?  And why the hell does my stomach feel like its in knots!?  You don’t think the bitch poisoned, me do you?”

Then Razer would laugh a second, why I don’t know because I was dead serious, then say “Chill man it’s okay.  She just likes you.  Go in there and spend some time with her.  Oh and whatever you do, DO NOT SLEEP WITH HER!  It’ll just complicate things.”

I then hung up the phone, walked in the other room, made out with her, and then we slept together.

Damn it!  Well I listened to some of his advice.

Razer thought I was paranoid, but paranoid or not, she would prove me right.  First, we began to hit a few bumps.  Nothing major just stepped on each others toes a bit but nothing too bad.  You know, normal shit that happens when you’re with someone all the time..We just got on each others nerves here and there.

And then one day out of the blue, and man do I mean out of the blue, no fuck that out of the black, out of the void, out of the absolute no where she says “I’m done with you.”  One day I kissed her goodnight, the next day “I’m done with you.”  A total Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde.   She laid into me with “I never loved you” and “There’s someone else” and my personal fav “And you are too ugly a guy for me.”

Needless to say, I am not a fan of Lucy right now.

So now Lucy if you are reading this blog, remember when we first started dating and you said: “Why don’t you talk about me more on the blog?”  Remember how you were jealous of how much time I devoted to Anesia or Sara on this site?  Well, you finally got your wish and the whole world knows how much of a cold hearted bitch you really are.  Best believe I have some verses especially dedicated to you.  Once again I must say …..”I got 99 problems and a bitch ain’t one.”  See you when I go on tour.  Peace!

P.S. – On a serious note my boy Chemist just underwent a MAJOR surgery and I wanted to give him a shout out.  Razer and I are glad you pulled through bro, and it just goes to show how much we take things for granted.   Much love goes out to him and his fam.  Get better, get back and continue making beats so you can leave the legacy behind I know you have in you.

P.P.S. – Shout out to my boy Dwayne too.  We got a little to close to ending a long friendship.  I’m glad we talked it out and squashed the beef.  Hopefully one day this dream will become a reality and I can help ya out in your hip hop dreams.

I leave you with this.

“THERE ARE GREAT MEN AND THEN THERE ARE MEN WHO ARE GREAT. GREAT MEN WERE BORN INTO POWER AND STAUS AND LIVE THROUGH NAME ALONE. MEN THAT ARE GREAT DON’T NEED FAME OR GLAMOUR OR ATTENTION. THEIR DEEDS DEFINE THEM ALONE.”

WHAT KIND OF MAN WILL YOU BE?

Words of wisdom taught to me by my lost love…

ANESIA XIYU MUAE PARKINGSON

Rest in Peace

Proph’s Midwest Hip Hop Super Group

As you know, I have have been working my ass off to form a Midwest hip hop super group.  Originally this group was going to be Dwayne, Chemist, Mooch and myself, Prophet The Rebel.  Then I had this brilliant idea when I met a hip hop emcee from Detroit by the name of Razer The RZR that I would add him to my super group…An idea I hope will still come true.  Well, let’s take a second to look back on how this whole process has gone so far and what lessons I have learned.  (If you are reading this and are an aspiring artist, I recommend you read the whole post, you can learn from our mistakes, trust me!)

My first idea, Alumni Elites,  flopped on its ass.  Too many ideas, too many opinions and none of them in the same direction.  One person wanted pop rap, another conscious rap, another gangsta rap and no one would listen to each other.  This VERY short lived group fell apart and dissolved into a solo hip hop album for me, Prophet The Rebel, half produced by Chemist & half by Dwayne.  This new hip hop super group idea (of Chemist, Dwayne and me) was just gonna release a short EP.  Together, we figured that the super group would be a launching platform for me and other artists, and Mooch was even down to help manage the whole process.  Then Razer The RZR stepped in to help, and he started giving us pointers on how to make things legit.  Ironically, that’s when things fell apart. And to be honest…I am glad!

See…When we started going full force with the business aspects of becoming hip hop artists (lawyers, contracts, radio shows, promotions, etc.), Dwayne started getting scared shitless.  That’s when we found out how full of shit he really was…Turns out all of “his” beats weren’t really his at all. He actually stole them from someone else, and all the work I had done to write on those tracks went straight into the can.

Razer kept me focused and on we went…Traveling to different cities, meeting with hip hop’s finest, all of whom started to push Razer and I to become an official group instead of just featuring him on a track or two.  One guy went so far as to say he expects to hear this duo of Prophet and Razer by the end of the year or else!  (I’ll give you a hint, he is part of a hip hop super group that rhymes with Who-Bang!)

All this is especially important because I have realized something lately, the industry is hard.  Gotta be honest here when I say that balancing life, acting and music is  difficult, and that’s why I want to form a hip hop super group.  See when you have a job, when you go to school, when you act and have lines to memorize, when you have to walk everywhere because you have no ride,  when you’ve got a new girl, and when you have family issues to attend to at night; time in a day is not on your side.  So a hip hop super group became my focus for two reasons:

1.) We could learn from each other as a hip hop collective and push each other to greater heights

2.) I realized that  I do not have enough hours in a day to do all the above and sit down to write a full album on my own….Well at least not one that is at my level of perfection. (I’m a premadonna, and rewrite until every word is perfect, which may make for the best hip hop the Midwest has ever heard, but also takes a long ass time.)

    Now with Dwayne out of the picture and a loose hip hop partnership compiled of Chemist, Mooch, Razer and myself, I was able to come to a large realization about being in a group and working with others.  This big lesson I learned, and a lesson anyone trying to make it in the music industry should know going into the game, is that saying you want to make music and doing it are two entirely different things.  Chemist, although I love the guy, just isn’t producing.  He is stuck in his world of playing video games and computers so much that his beats seem to always be in the “in the works” stage. And he may love freestyling with the crew, but when we mention stage performance, the man turns white as a ghost, which is a pretty amazing feat, considering he is black.  So in all honesty, the Prophet’s hip hop super group may be losing another artist if Chemist keep refusing to step up.  I’m not hating…I’m just being real.

    This leaves Mooch, Razer and me.  But to be honest, Mooch, like Razer, was just going to jump in here and there, not really be a full member.  He has acting gigs and a radio show of his own and honestly, his expertise is really best as a manager and business man.  Let’s be real, you got to play to your strengths, and that is his.  Mooch’s role is to be the group member behind the scenes.

    But this leaves me back at square one…Alone behind the mic.  So like I alluded to earlier, the main advice I encourage all of you reading this to take is that, whether it is music or some other dream, it’s easy for people to say they want something. And it seems like it’s even easier to duck out when the real work starts.  I don’t think any of these guys are trying to hurt me…I’m just saying, I don’t  think they have that drive, that calling to succeed like I do.  Well, I’m also convinced that I can’t let their inability to step up stop me from pursuing my hip hop dreams. I’m gonna keep pushing forward…And I’m never gonna give up.

    So when all is said and done, it looks like Mooch and Razer are the only ones standing at the end of the day, and I am grateful for that, even if they’re not behind the mic where I am.  And mark my words, this is the beginning of something great.

    So where do I go now?  Simple, it’s time to get Razer the RZR back behind the mic with me.  Everyone is right.  When we are just screwing around in the studio, the track is ten times better then the competition.  It’s unique, different and a cut above the rest, and that’s just being real.  I’ll keep Mooch behind the scenes, but the real hip hop super group has got to be a duo–Prophet and Razer. It’s time to enact plan B.  It’s time to show Razer that people flooded the email box requesting his return, and it’s time to drag his ass on a stage.

    Cleveland Hip Hop prepare.  B-Sides, next week on Tuesday May 12th.  Be there!

    Cleveland Hip Hop Love Story: The Sequel

    Proph here interrupting my regular Cleveland Hip Hop updates to drop a post about my personal life…

    I passingly mentioned this earlier but I have met someone.  In school, I have been friends with this beautiful Asian girl, Lucy, for awhile.  We’ve been passing each other in the hallways since freshman year, shot a “hi” back and forth every once in awhile, and for the past year, we’ve talked non-stop on Facebook.  Well, our relationship spilled out from the internet and into real life recently. We began to talk and hang out in the real world.  We found out quickly that we get along in real life just as well as we had on Facebook…For one thing, we really make each other laugh.  And unlike Sara, she is actually supportive of my hip hop dreams.  Lucy’s been behind me 100% in my acting and hip hop careers which is a breath of fresh air these days.

    Well, one night we were chilling at my crib (the fact that she sees where I live and still likes me is special in and of itself), and then in one of those stereo-typical awkward romance movie moments, our friendship became something more.  You know what I’m talking about, right? That silent moment where you stop talking and look in each other’s eyes and get that funny feeling in your pants, errr…stomach.  Before I knew it, we were kissing.  In my head thoughts were racing, but they weren’t really the kind of thoughts you’re average college guy should have…No, Prophet The Rebel has to start thinking:

    What the hell is going on?

    Are we ruining our friendship?

    Could someone actually like me, actually not be using me?

    Do I deserve someone this great?

    This is going to blow up in my face!

    And so on and son on.  I interrupted the moment and had to ask: “Lucy, are you sure you want to do this?  Are you sure this is the right thing for us?”

    “I have never been more sure about something in my life,” she responded.

    The next few days were a little odd, for me at least.  We had those funny, puppy love type conversations: So what are we? Can I see you tonight?  You know…All that crappy love story type stuff.  And I, for the first time in a while began to feel a little joy in my personal life.  But the point of this post isn’t so much to tell you guys I finally have someone. It isn’t to gross you out with my love life; it’s really about me and my messed up view of life.

    See as much as I should be happy that I found someone new, I’m not.  I have been surrounded by what can best be described as poisonous relationships for what seems like more then a lifetime.  Beyond my own messed up love life, my sister, my friends, they all have relationships that involve fighting, cheating or abuse, physical or mental.  I haven’t had a good relationship since I met the love of my life, Anesia, and look how that ended.

    Now I’ll be honest, Razer has quickly become one of my closest friends. Watching him and his wife, Nikki, together has been a breath of fresh air.  To those who know them, you know exactly what I am talking about.  They click as friends, as a couple, as a team.  Sure they have their ups and downs, but they have really given me a new found hope on love and marriage.  If you don’t believe me, check out her Clueless Newlywed Blog, and you’ll see a glimpse of what I’m talking about.

    The point of all this is that being around them makes me want more out of my relationships.  I don’t want to be messing around anymore; I want something solid and lasting.  I want someone I can grow with, someone who makes me a better person.  I want all these games to end and have a fulfilling relationship.  The problem is that as much as Lucy says that what we have is true, and as much fun as I have being around her, I can’t help but hear this voice in the back of my head that says “Proph, don’t get too comfortable.  She will screw you like everyone else.  This will come crashing down like everything else in your life.”

    I know this is wrong.  I know I shouldn’t tell myself that, but I can’t help but think the worst.  I do this about everything, and I can’t seem to break the cycle. Maybe that’s because for me, life has never broke its cycle. When you’ve been shit on as long as I have, it’s tough to believe in yourself.  So as much as I like to believe in “us,” and that my life in general will be get better, a large part of me can’t shake this feeling that failure and pain is right around the corner.

    Any advice will be more than welcome at this point.

    Mother of All Hip Hop Setbacks

    First, B-Sides goes bad. Then Dwayne shows some hesitation with letting us use his beats. Now we have yet another damn set back!  Like I said in my previous post, I called Dwayne to talk to him about launching his career. I was explaining how Razer has really started to deliver lately. Because of Razer, I have clocked in some studio time, met some major hip hop personalities and really got cracking on the few beats that I have accumulated.

    I thought Dwayne would be psyched to hear this news, but all he said was that he wanted to talk to Razer and get an idea of how serious we were and what we have planned to unleash on the Midwest Hip Hop scene.  So…I got Razer on the phone to give him the 411. He pretty much told Dwayne: We can secure your music, get you legal representation, and copyright your work. I have people I’m setting up for marketing. Mooch is gonna help get the live shows organized, and we can launch your career, help you get a record deal…The whole thing.  A year from now we will all be sitting pretty with record deals, touring, etc.  Everything ends cool.  Before hanging up the phone, Dwayne said that we were alright to use the music, and we planned on meeting the next day to finalize things.

    A half hour later the phone rings, and nothing could prepare me for the bombshell that Dwayne dropped…

    “You’re going to kill me, man.” Dwayne said.

    PROPH: “Why am I going to kill you?”

    He goes on, “Ahh geez, you’re going to kill me. I didn’t think you were serious.  I thought we were just gonna freestyle and talk about becoming stars.  I didn’t think you were serious.  Now you are hanging out with super stars, working in the studio and doing radio shows.”

    PROPH:  “What are you talking about? Calm down, and just tell me what you are talking about!  And how did you not know that I was serious? Look at all the things I gave up. Look at everything I’ve lost.  I lost my girl; I lost my crib; I lost all my equipment and half my friends.  What part of that did you not take seriously?  Now what the hell is the problem?”

    “The beats aren’t mine…I stole them.” He said quickly.

    PROPH:  “What are you talking about?”

    “The beats, I took them from another guy years ago.  You guys can’t use em cause they aren’t mine. They’re his, and he probably sold the rights years ago.”

    We spoke a little longer as he clarified that I hadn’t gone deaf and that I heard him right.  I hung up the phone and just looked at Razer.

    PROPH: “We are fucked!”

    “Huh?” Razer took off his head phones and looked at me.

    PROPH:  “Dwayne lied…He stole the beats.”

    “Which ones?” Razer asked.

    PROPH:  “All of em! The entire CD is shot, and all those weeks of work and writing are for nothing.  We have no CD, no beats, and we are now way behind on the deadline.  Dammit, we’re broke and don’t have time to start beats from scratch, and Chemist can’t make that many quality beats in time, we’re done.  Screwed…I’m gonna kill him.”

    Razer just laughed. “Well, at least we found out halfway through the CD’s rough drafts rather then in court after we pressed the damn thing.  No one said this would be easy, and you got to expect some speed bumps.  We just gotta look at this as an opportunity. Now we can buy or make better beats…You keep telling me to get back in the game. And I definitely believe in this project! Do you think this is gonna stop us?”

    I was taken aback by how calm he was.  I guess that’s what experience in this industry can do to a person.  Razer just took it in stride.

    “I got your back, man.  I believe in you, and I won’t let you fail.” He said.  “Now get your ass home and practice your spoken word, you have a date with B-Sides, and you are going to blow them away this Tuesday!”

    RAZER HIP HOP INTERVENTION PLAN B COUNT

    Proph here with a quick Cleveland Hip Hop update…First off, my sister is okay now, but they aren’t exactly sure whats wrong yet, so I’m just praying for the best. (As a recap, she went into the ER last week when she started having some stomach pains.)

    I also want to take a second to say thanks for reading my Midwest hip hop blog and spreading the word about my dream to make it big. It really means a lot when I see the stats go up, and I hope you keep telling your friends to read, what I think, is the most real and interesting hip hop blog out there. Of course blogging about hip hop means that I also tend to read other hip hop blogs, and I have to be honest…Most of the hip hop blogs out there are boring. I just hope the drama known as my life is at least good for one thing, a great story to read. (Oh and if you want to add the Punk Revolution blog to your blog roll, I would be super thankful and get you into a show for free, promise!)

    Now moving on, like I mentioned in my prior post, I’ve been meeting up with some amazing people on the road. Even if it’s killing me to keep it quiet, I’ll save all of those stories for one big post some other time, maybe when I have a dull week.

    As for Plan B, the count in the convincerazer@gmail account is at a staggering 56 email requests, but I still need more! So please get some more friends to email…Or at least leave a comment on the blog! Between your emails to Razer The RZR, and the people we met also pushing him to get back on the mic, I should be able to pull this off.

    It has been absolutely crazy here. We keep meeting, talking, networking, and hell, just chilling with …(can’t say yet) and everyone is loving our freestyles. Razer will play a beat and I’ll just go off, then all of us will keep dogging Razer till he spits something and BAM, magic man, pure magic. Everyone seems to like our stuff and keeps asking when we are going to put out something. That’s when Razer pumps the breaks and shines the spotlight on me saying well, “we” aren’t doing anything, but Prophet here is going to blow up this summer. You watch!

    (My two cents: Yes, Razer, “we” are going to blow up this summer. You watch!)

    Oh and did I mention in between all this crazy shit I managed to spark something between me and this girl in school. It’s been a couple weeks now, and I have been hesitant to say anything here. (I don’t want to jinx myself, you know.) I think this one may be different. Maybe I’ll dedicate a few posts to her in the coming weeks. Between traveling, school, getting sick, getting better, trying to start a relationship and writing music, this has been one hell of a jam-packed week.

    By the way, look out because my Cleveland Hip Hop debut will be tomorrow night at B-Sides, and no pain or exhaustion will stop me this time. I can’t wait! Hit me with a comment here or email me if you want to meet up with me in Coventry at B-sides.

    Proph out!

    Hustling for Cleveland Hip Hop

    That whole back spasm had me laid out for quite a bit, but I’m out.  I refuse to let this keep me down.  I continued rehearsing my lines for the play and continued writing in bed.  Pain or not, I filled up with pain killers and went off to the evening rehearsals this week, hiding my back pain from everyone.  I still had to wrestle a bit with the bronchitis, but I made it through nonetheless.

    Now I’m hitting the books again cos I missed tons of classes, but I have to admit that I’m starting to think that school is not for me. I also went back to work yesterday, and I  asked for some extra shifts to help with the bills. Oh yeah, and I finally hit up the pawn shop…Traded in that ring, sold my Xbox 360 and my HDTV.  (I think the latter hurt the most.)  I don’t have a lot in my apartment right now, but the money I got from the shop should cover my bills for a couple of weeks. Not sure what I’m gonna do after that. And with that,  I can now say that I have officially given up everything for my hip hop dream….I lost my girl, my nice apartment and my entertainment.

    I think at this point some of my oldest and closest friends are starting to wonder about this whole “Midwest’s Best Rapper” dream I have been chasing.  But screw it! Sometimes, you just get this inner calling, this passion you cannot explain.  For me that passion is performing…whether it’s acting or hip hop…In both, I hit the stage, and I know that’s where I  belong.  Doing anything else makes me feel dead inside. Like I’m going through the motions but my heart is just not there.  So I have no choice.  Rain or shine, pain or illness, I can’t and won’t give up on my Cleveland hip hop dream.  I was sick for the last recording session but now that I am semi-back on my feet I headed back up to Chemist’s lab and recorded some verses for a track.  He is mixing and mastering my very first rap single as I type!  I can’t wait to finally post something on MySpace.

    Oh yeah, I can also finally say that I am a professional actor.  Check it: Prophet the Rebel’s on Cleveland Public Theatre’s homepage.  (I’m the black man!)

    Never give up, pain or not, through setbacks and hardships, keep on going and you will make it through.  That’s what I have learned.  God will find a way to put the right people and opportunities in my life if I keep on seeking them and don’t give up.  I focused to get this acting gig…Now it’s time to do the same for hip hop.  Industry here I come!    If you are in Cleveland and reading this, please come and check out my show: The Aperture.  If you want to talk to me about hip hop I’d be more than happy to take a moment and hit you up after the play.