Proph here with a lil pity party.  I was trying to keep optimistic this week…Really I was. But ya know that phrase, “When it rains, it pours?” In my case, it should be “When it rains, it’s a level 5 hurricane!” I’m serious. This week’s recording session went okay.  I say okay because as I started rapping, I realized I wasn’t feeling so hot.  First, it was just some pain in my throat, then I felt a little light headed and now, well now I feel like crap.  It’s hard to breathe let alone move, and I can’t afford nor do I have the time to go to the hospital. I bought some food before my work check was deposited into my account.  Needless to say, I over-drafted my account, and the bank won’t stop charging me late fees.  When I looked this morning, it was up to $400, and I don’t know what to do to get them to stop.

I pulled it together for my little sister’s Birthday dinner, but between the illness and the setbacks, I’ve gotta say that I am officially down and out.  I’m keeping up the optimistic facade to my boys, but the truth is I am a bit dead inside.  My history with women has been problematic to say the least.  Just a couple of weeks ago,  I was gonna to pledge my everlasting love to Sara, and looking back now, I don’t think she really understood how much I cared for her.  I would have put in the time and effort to make it work.  I would have been there for her if she gave me the chance.  But she shut me out.  Ya know what the last things she said to me was? “I don’t love you.” Then she said that I was just a good time. And I couldn’t expect her to stick around with a guy who has no car, no job, lives in a poverty-stricken apartment, and is chasing a dream of becoming the next big hip hop artist from Cleveland.  She said she needed a future, and I was just a fun stop along the ride.

Before our big date fiasco, I had kept some of the cash from my savings and bought her a ring. It wasn’t an engagement ring, a promise ring…actually, more like a ‘thank you’ ring.  I was going to give it to her before our first hip hop show as a way of saying thank you for sticking around.  Now instead of me giving it to her, I’ll be giving it to a pawn shop.  Maybe someone else out there will buy it and give it to someone who loves them, because that future just ain’t in the cards for me.  Sorry for the pity party, but it just ate me up today, and I needed to get it out.  The last straw was waking up to find my pet Iguana had died.  So I think I’ll rest, feel bad for my self for a little and then pick myself back up like I always do.

After all, this drama has to be good for one thing…song writing. Listening to Kid Cudi’s latest single, Day N’ Night, made me think about how life’s problems seep into the hip hop scene and turn into great music. After I heal up, I’ll just take all this hardship and put it into my hip hop, but for the time-being, this is one defeated Prophet signing off.


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